Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Pretty Much I'm Going To Be The Next Mrs. Fields.

Internet, I make cookies. I do not make pies, I do not make crumpets, I do not make turkeys. I make cookies. Sometimes I get lazy, and make junk drawer cookies, which may contain chocolate chips and/or pennies and/or red hots and/or batteries, but mostly I make decorated sugar cookies, and I sell them to whoever has a fat wad of cash. Then, once I get said cash, I like to toss it in the air like 'Lil Wayne. It's neat.

Anyway. I have an etsy shop that I periodically get really into selling on, like I think I'm gonna make a million bucks on cookies and become a successful businesswoman or something. Then I realize that I am broke, stressed and.. Well. Broke and stressed, pretty much, so I give up. And then I forget how broke and stressed I was, so I get back into it, and once again there is glitter and flour all over my house and I'm yelling at Greg to GTF away from my cookies or I will smack him in the balls with my rolling pin.

A couple weeks ago, I decided that it was time to tap into my inner Mrs. Fields again, and start up another huge cookie project. You should have seen the insane amount of glitter all over my house. It looked like a strippers titty. But they were beautiful. I don't care if that sounds conceited of me. They were beautiful, delicious, sparkly Christmas cookies, and you wish you would have bought some. That's right. You wish that. Mmhmm.

So I have all these cookies strewn all over the house, and I decide that THIS time, I AM going to get famous.

Rewind:  Several months ago, I was introduced to a daily deal site (I am a daily-deal-site-whore, but that's another story for another day, my internet pretend friends) called Heartsy. It's basically an Etsy-Groupon. You have an etsy store, you can submit your store to this heartsy site, and if they pick you, you can offer a voucher for a certain amount to your store for a discounted price. You know how Groupons work, right? So yea. That.

So. (Beautiful) cookies everywhere, I decide that I'm gonna go ahead and submit my store for one of these heartsy deals, and if I get it, probably Oprah will get one of these vouchers, get my cookies, think they're amazing and I'll have it made. I like to think ahead.

I GOT IT!! I GOT MY HEARTSY DEAL!! They sent me an email yesterday saying something like, "You are amazing, and cookies are so wonderful..." Or something like that. I just sort of skimmed the email, but I'm pretty sure that's what it said. So now I'm in the negotiation part of how much I'm gonna offer the voucher for, and when it'll go live. And THEN, I'm looking forward to being miserable because there are 50 dozen cookies strewn all over my house that have to be delivered in 10 days, and screaming at Greg about rolling pins and testicles again. It will be awesome. So if anyone knows Oprah, please let her know I'm going to need her credit card information to process her order.


  1. YAY!!!! So glad you got the hearts deal. I don't know Oprah, but I do have a credit card and a certain almost 3 year olds birthday coming up!!

  2. What happened to Mrs. Fields yo? Commies dont like cookies or what? hehehehehe